SCRIPTURE | 1 Peter 3:1–2  In the same way, you wives, be subject to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, as they observe your pure conduct with fear.

OBSERVATION | Our last studies have followed the same theme. We were taught of how “in the same way,” wives are to “be subject” to the fallen and sinful men who are their “own husbands” as Jesus subjected himself to suffering at the hands of sinful men. We also saw the call of submission for wives to their “own husbands” as an exclusive headship relationship. So that when a wife subjects herself to another, such as a boss who is not her husband, she disobeys this command. We see the same teaching in Ephesians 5:24 which places all of a wife’s life under the protection, provision and leadership of her own husband by commanding subjecting to him “in everything.” When a wife goes outside of this command, it is a sin which destroys God’s revealed will and plan for the most foundational relationship of our society, of our homes, and of our marriage.

Before we move on further, a side note is important. A true believer must always remember the rule of faith, and let scripture interpret scripture. In other words, regarding this specific command for a wife to be submissive to a sinful husband, the wife is never to be in submission to something that goes against the clearly written Word of God. (cf. Acts 4:18–20; 5:28, 29;)

As the Lord expounds on this call we learn further about what it means to righteously suffer like Jesus within the context of a wife and her own husband. First, we learn of what a wife can reap from sowing the seeds of “being subject to your own husbands” in the words “so that.” In these words, God gives a wife a purpose and aim while suffering righteously under a sinful husband. As well as a condition of this kind suffering with the words “if any of them are disobedient to the word.”

Let’s address the condition first. Many teachers say the “if” condition of a husband “disobedient to the word” is the condition of a believing wife living with an unbelieving husband. Such a biblical disobedience is certainly fitting to this verse, especially with the wording of “so that… they may be won without a word.” However, neither the context or the words themselves restrict the condition to only that of a sinful unbelief.

I would argue that at times as a husband I am “disobedient to the word.” In fact, I know personally how despite all my want and effort, I will never be completely obedient to the word in this life. Not that any of us may ever use this fact as a loop hole to permit a lack of effort or the pursuit of the goal of perfect holiness at the end of the race.

So, in other words, the condition of “if any of them are disobedient to the word” is applicable to my wife and all Christian marriages for that matter. The aim and purpose of submission listed here then should in no way be restricted to only unbelieving husbands, though of course they too are absolutely included.

Why does this matter? Because the restricting of this to unbelieving husbands takes the promise away from every other believing wife. It removes the tremendous blessing and result God gives to the wives who are subjecting themselves in righteousness while suffering un-righteously. It creates a unnecessary restriction and removes the hope promised to those who submit, that their behavior will “win” a husband over “without a word by the conduct of their wife, as they observe your pure conduct with fear.” (1 Pt 3:1-2)
Now, some might sight the phrase “they maybe won” as evidence to restrict this promise and hope to the condition of an unbelieving husband. This is understandable, if one does not study the language further. Why? Because the word “won” in English speaks of conversion. However, the Greek word here is kerdainō, which could also be translated as keep a loss from happening, or make a profit, or to gain from investment. The original readers of 1 Peter then would have understood kerdainō with all of these meanings.

In other words, there is an investment made when a wife “conducts” herself in “pure” submission “without a word” to a sinful husband. By the way, “pure” hear is the same Greek word as “holy.” It means to be without moral defect. It means pure, untainted submission. In other words, such rich investments are like seeds sown into the life of their husbands. What is “won” then and what is profited could include the husband’s salvation. However, it could also be the fruit of the seed of submission as any gain and profit of the husband learning obedience to the Word any area of life. In other words, when a wife submits “without a word” to her husband who is fallen and sinful, she sanctifies him. She grows his holiness. She is a silent witness that transforms his life for God’s glory.

Now, this is a drastic contrast to what our human reasoning tells us. Just as our wicked and perverse culture teach us to think that being “submissive” like Jesus would result in the husband lording his role over his wife in selfish ambition and dictatorship. And while there is a danger of this, how dare any man do such a thing if his wife were to present him with such a beautiful gift of holiness as this. Such a man is “given much,” and from him “much will be required.” (Luke 12:48) And to counter this “fear” God promises the submissive wife growth in her husband as a result of her obedience.

Furthermore, our human reasoning tells us that submission lowers the honor of a wife. Yet God says just after our passage that a wife is a fellow heir of the grace of life and a husband is to treat her as such (1 Peter 3:7). In the end, we are taught how submission is a seed sown into the life of the husband that will reap his increased godliness and righteousness. It will in time bring about an increasingly God honoring and blessed marriage through the transformation of both wife and husband into Christ-likeness.

Last, let us learn from “as they observe your pure conduct with fear” in verse 1 as verse 6 also says “not fearing any intimidation.” First, we find the affirmation of “fearing” the husband in verse 1. This is the same idea of “fear” as we find in what it means to “fear of the Lord.” (Job 28:28; Acts 9:31; 2 Cor 5:11; Rev 15:4) That is a reverent and respectful, “shaking in your boots” kind of fear. In the same way that a man or woman might have trembling fear on their wedding day, not in dread, but in awe of the greatness of the moment of their union.

Regarding the Lord, this fear is the right response to His position as Divine King of all, as judge of all, and as true Master of all. This same idea is conveyed in 1 Peter 3:2, where submission is descripbed “pure conduct with fear.” Wives are taught by the Lord here that respect and reverence should be given for the Lord’s sake to the position of headship in the family. In fact, the same word for fear is used when God commands wives to “respect” their husbands in Ephesians 5:33. So that “the wife must see to it that she respects her husband” could be translated, “The wife must see to it that she fears her husband.” This again, being a good and holy reverence and respect. And it’s important to note, this is called for because the Lord is worthy. As no husband ever will deserve the respect God calls for.

In a different way, in verse 6 instead of an affirmation of “fear” there is a restrcitoin of “fear.” Hear it is explained as “Not fearing any intimidation.” I can only imagine the intimidation of a wife submitting to her far from perfect and holy husband. Here God calls the wives of sinful men to look to Him and not to have fear in their role or situation. To respectfully submit to their husbands, who each in their sin deserve only hell, but by grace might receive forgiveness and love from the Father, as well as from their wife as she lives out her role. This is a submitting to a husband who will never deserve to be submitted to, as they will always struggle with sin in this life and will never be completely rid of it. Here again in verse 6 we have a implied promise from God, that in a wives obedience of submission they need not fear intimidation of their husband. Thus this is a call to trust in the hope of God’s promise, that there is a gain or a “win” of their suffering in subjection like there was for Jesus. Trust in the Lord’s Sovereign care and molding of yourself and your husband. He will grow the holy conduct of your husband, in His timing and in His ways.

APPLICATION | If I am a wife who truly believes in the grace of God and the undeserved love of Christ, do I show the same to my husband who is a fellow sinner like me? Do I submit myself to him exclusively and respectfully? Do I submit to his headship without a word, despite his shortcomings and not because he is worthy, but because God is worthy? Do I place my hope in the promise of God’s Word that sowing my “pure conduct with fear” of submission can reap the salvation of my husband and/or his growth in obedience to the Word? Am I aiming and praying for both, so that the Lord might make my husband more obedient to Himself by my being more obedient to His Word?
If I am a husband, do I observe this behavior in my wife, and even though she will never live submission out perfectly in this life, do I allow what is there to cause me to repent of my own disobedience and grow me in holiness? Do I abuse the role of headship in any area, when my wife is submissive to me? Do I get angry at her for her lack of submission, the bible never prescribes this… I ought to be angry at myself because my own sinfulness understandably makes it difficult for her to be biblically submissive? Do I pray regularly for my own headship to be self-sacrificial and humble, so that my wife will have no reason to be intimidated, and more reason to be motivated to be submissive?
Whether wife or husband or not, let us each repent and grow in giving God’s undeserved grace and self-less to others. For God’s sake and His glory alone.

PRAYER | Father, as a wife or as a husband or as a child, I know that I fail to obey your Word and live ought my role in the family as I ought. I confess that I often want or even push for others to change, and yet struggle to change myself. I confess this all as sin, not against the others in my family, as much as a sin against You. I know that I rightly deserve hell for the guilt of my sins. For this disobedience. Forgive me for not living out my role as you have commanded. Forgive me, not because I am worthy. Not because I can perfectly ever keep these ways of righteousness. Forgive me because of Your Son Jesus, and His submission of self-sacrificial suffering He willingly gave for me in undeserved love.
Now help me to follow His example. To live selflessly. To suffer unrighteous treatment with perseverance and endurance. To trust Your Word and obey Your commands.
Use Your Spirit and Word now in me Father, that I might be transformed into a living sacrifice for Your praise and glory. Looking to heaven and the treasure I store up there when I am obedient to You. So that my life would be an the example for others, and cause them to grow in holiness for Your praise as well. So that those around me would be caused to live more and more for You, and Your glory alone. Amen.