SCRIPTURE | 1 Peter 3:7 You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with a weaker vessel, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.
OBSERVATION | Now we find our study moving from the duties of a wife, to the duties of a husband. First, we learn in our study from the repeated phrase in the context, “in the same way.” This connects the lesson back to how we place ourselves in “subjection” to authorities in government and employment, despite their fallen-ness (1 Pt 2:13-20). “In the same way” also points us back to Jesus’ subjection to authorities who abused and killed Him in un-righteous. His actions of enduring such treatment are “an example that you should follow in His steps” (1 Pt 2:21-25). “In the same way” points husbands back to all of this subjection despite sinfulness, yes, but it also points the husband back to the wife’s instruction to be “subject… in the same way” to her fallen husband (1 Pt 3:1-6). In other words, while the wife is to suffer life with a sin-sick husband which she must be subject to as her head, so does the husband to his wife. In a way. That is, there is a similar kind of subjection in the husband’s duty to his sin-sick wife too.
This same way is not similar, in that a husband is not to “obey” his wife (1 Pt 3:6) for that would be a reversal of the preceding passages. Again, we find the rule of faith must be followed. This husband’s subject is not an obedience “subjection.” This can be seen in the fact that even the word “subjection” is not used regarding the husband’s role as it was for government (2:13), employment (2:18) and the wife (3:1). Why not? Likely this is because of the God given order in the roles of the husband as head of the wife. Using the word “subject” in verse 7 for the husband then would outright cause confusion from its meaning of obedience, authority and control. The roles are clear, and are not to be annulled. These roles are to remain as is taught to us in 1 Corinthians 11:3 which says “Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.” So, we learn that marital headship remains, yet “in the same way” a husband does subjects himself in marriage, only not regarding authority lest we deny other teachings of scripture.
What is the similarity of “in the same way” then? The answer in one point is found in the repeated teaching of subjecting oneself despite the fallen and unrighteous actions of the other. In other words, a husband is to subject himself to his God given duties despite the actions or emotions of his wife. He is to lead her selflessly not because she deserves it, but because God does. We can see this in the constant duty of self-sacrificial grace, just as Ephesians 5: 25 says “husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” Why did Christ love the church? Not because she was worthy, but despite her unworthiness. The similarity of subjection is first then not in authority, but in the husband giving of himself despite anything his wife may or may not do.
What is the similarity of “in the same way?” The answer is also found in the command for a husband to “love” his wife as a present tense verb (Eph 5.25). The present tense means it is a constant and continuous duty of a man, and the verb means it is an active giving up of himself for his wife in selflessness. So that while the wife is subject to the husband’s leading her despite his fallenness, the husband is subject to sacrifice his wants, dreams, goals, and selfish ways so that he will constantly lead her rightly, despite her fallenness. This requires a complete emptying of oneself as a willing sacrifice, even to the point of actual death. This duty ought to protect women from her husband abusing and misusing his headship. Instead, however, husbands often demand, or at least expects submission from their wives, while never submitting themselves to the Divine command of his continuous and complete sacrifice of selfless living. That is the second similarity of the subjection “in the same way.” Submission in obedience requires a giving up of oneself, and leading one who obeys requires a giving up of oneself too.
If only both of these roles could be lived out rightly, because of the worthiness of Christ and the deservedness of the Father in heaven. Not for the sake of each other, not even for the aim and desire of a healthy marriage, but for the glory of God. The more the marriage grows in sanctification to such holy living, the greater Christ will rule in a home by His mercy and grace which will be poured out by the one spouse onto the other. Again, not for their own gains, but for the good and glory of God. Such is the design God intended, but it has been so bitterly adulterated and twisted by both man and woman in our age.
Now, again this subjection of the husband in marriage is not being “subject” in regards to obeying a wife’s authority. Yet, it is a high calling of the husband “subjection” in giving up himself to the point of death. It could be taught that this is a subjection of the husband FOR his wife’s sake, despite her words and deeds instead of a subject TO her. A husband subjects himself FOR his wife, not TO his wife.
Last, we need to be clear, how for the husband such subjection for his wife is like the Savior and Lord of all true believers. He “gave Himself up” for His bride totally and completely. The husband then must subject his life to complete selflessness for his wife’s good, not to her demands. Like all works of obedience to God’s Word this is the path of sanctification. A path that is never finished until we reach the glory of heaven. Yet, that is the aim of all who walk this path, complete sanctification though it cannot be reached in this life. Complete selflessness for a husband. Sacrificing his wants and will one hundred percent of the time. Not wavering to selfish gain, wants and desires. Aiming for the complete humility in living for her despite her worthiness or unworthiness. A complete sacrifice for her as a duty to God, for His praise, because He is infinitely more worthy then we will ever comprehend (1 Cor 6:20).
APPLICATION | As a husband do I suffer patiently like Jesus when I am seemingly mistreated by my wife? Or do I pay back evil for evil? Do I love my wife out of duty to God, because He is worthy of all that I am? Do I exploit our different duties and roles in the marriage by dictating and demanding her submission? How would I respond if she demanded that I selflessly sacrifice myself?
Take a moment to note or even study how the bible never teaches us to demand such things. Such a demand as “submit wife” falls way short of the gracious example of Jesus’ Lordship. Consider the wicked and selfish pride such words do communicate.
Do I exercise my duty to lead only for the purpose of caring for my wife for God’s glory? Do I use my wife’s shortcomings and sin as an excuse to abuse my role and sin in not loving her like Christ does the church? Repent. Turn from selfishness. Turn from the ways of sin and walk the path of Jesus. Learn to bear up under your wife’s sin and show her grace. Learn to lead self sacrificially instead of demanding your way as you lord your position over her. Become like the “savior” and “lord” to your wife, so she loves to submit to you and trusts in your aim to do God’s will in your marriage and never your own.
If you are single, this text still calls you as a man to treat the women in your life with the same self-sacrificial characteristics you would your wife. To do so despite their treatment of you. In doing this, you will train and prepare yourself for the day the Lord leads you to marriage, if he does. If he does not, you will be a God honoring man to all the women you know.
PRAYER | Father, I confess I have fallen way short of my biblical duties as a husband. Cleanse me because of the sacrifice of Your Son, wash my marriage of all my failures. Thank you for Your forgiveness in Jesus. Because He is worthy, change me to be a godly husband today, so that my wife constantly can see the light of our self-sacrificing Savior and Lord shining through me.
I confess that I am a sinner, just as my wife is. So, help me to repent of my own sin, and stop holding my wife’s sin against her. Give me strength from Your Spirit to submit myself to selfless love that continuously puts death to my flesh and leads my family to Your will and Your glory, in all things. Amen.
